To Love and Be Loved in Return

Written by: Jeanie

I am here today to let you know that love should NEVER hurt. I am a Survivor, and that word has never meant so much to me. I never thought I would be sitting here today with anything associated with my name besides mother, wife, daughter, sister, nurse and friend. Life changes, and I had sadly added domestic abuse victim, and addict to my name. Today I have proudly changed that to Survivor and Recovering addict, and Sobriety Coach behind that same name.

My life was what I thought was perfect, until Watching the only man I loved assault our youngest child became the worst possible scenario I could’ve ever imagined. When I got sober and clear minded and I was able to stand up for myself and my children. My life sober it quickly became clear, I was hard to control when I was healthy, I was hard to manipulate when I was clear minded, and I was hard to influence when I had discernment. This began my relationship with divorce, narcissistic abuse, trauma bonds, emotional, mental, abuse. My sobriety ended my 24 year marriage with the only man in my life that I had ever loved.

Then began MY story of Domestic abuse. I will spare the details but as a survivor of physical, mental, emotional and sexual domestic abuse, I put my faith into a very flawed system that I believed would be fair and protect me from my abuser. Yet what I found was it was a very flawed system that protected their own, meant to silence the very people it was meant to protect. Living in a system where my truth was not heard, was not felt or taken seriously. When my “stories” were found out to be true, my life became harassment, no protection and continued mistreatment from the same people sworn to protect and serve, I became disheartened. I felt as though no one was listening, no one was truly hearing what I was telling them. I felt alone, scared and on my own.

After all the hurts, bruises, pain, physical, mental, emotional, financial abuse I can look in the mirror and while I’m still a work in progress, I can say I survived, I got out and I am stronger for it. I have made broken look beautiful, and strong look invincible, I have walked with the universe on my shoulders, I got out, and I survived.

I am still learning to trust myself and others again, but I will never lose hope that there are good people, genuine friends, supportive family, amazingly gentle and kind people in this world.

To my boys, you are my life, my breath and my literal reason for living. You have given me hope and literally saved my life, even when you didn’t know it. On days that I have wanted to quit and give in, I look at you and you give me continued hope. I hope you know your lives give me everything that brings me happiness and joy. You are the air that I breathe, my peace, my safe space and my refuge. I will protect you at all costs.

We are here to help you, pray for you and support you any way that we can. You are seen, you are heard, you are loved here. We are stronger together, and together we do recover. This is a safe and supportive space for you.

I am so proud to support my beautiful soul sister, and fellow survivor Breanah and amazing friend Ray with America First Project.

I am not a victim.

I am a Survivor who will not be silenced.